What school is like for me:
Too many children, too much noise, overwhelming, can’t think or speak when there are other noises around me, writing problems, teachers don’t understand my brain
What would help?
Stop trying to make kids like me be normal. Stop telling me to hurry up. Let me type and use technology. Stop making kids sit at desks for hours and hours.
When my daughter was in primary, she was so confident and happy. I thought she would do well transferring to secondary but it couldn’t further from the truth.
In the 5 months since she started at secondary, her confidence has hit rock bottom, she would close herself away in her room as soon as she came home from school, she would be aggressive towards us (her parents) she wouldn’t want to engage with any family activities and hated talking about school.
Every morning would be a struggle to get her up and ready to go to school. I’ve sent around 20 emails to school and had 2 meetings to talk about my worries about my daughter.
They keep saying “she’s fine in school” I’ve explained countless times that she is masking while at school and all the emotions come out once she’s home. The SENCO haven’t replied to one of my emails or attended either meetings. I’ve suggested a few options which might help my daughter while in school, such as, a reduced timetable and going to a smaller classroom but all have been refused.
The school keep on about her attendance but won’t meet her needs to help her feel comfortable in school. The head of year has suggested I should punish her for not going into school by refusing to let her see friends and even “making her day at home as uncomfortable as possible “.
She even said that I should make her wear her school uniform at home and do homework. I’ve asked for an alternative provision but they said, she doesn’t have high enough needs…
What could make a difference?
Listen to myself and my daughter and provide the support needed.
In primary school I was in a class of 18 kids . Primary school was a very hard time for me as in year 4 my dad was diagnosed with ME and fiber mialga .
I was also being bullied by my other classmates and being an only child all of the emotions that came with these actions made it a very lonely time for me as I also didn’t want to bother my mum with how I was feeling as I could see she was struggling too.nothing got better until secondary.
I thought everything would change but moving to a different school to everybody else in primary didn’t really change much if anything it made it harder for me to make friends. In year 8 I felt like I had a real group of friends and that was true until the start of year 9 when I was assaulted by one of my so called friends.
From that day on I started having panic and anxiety attacks and I used to hide behind a tree because I was scared of going in to school. Soon me and my mum decided it was time we took me out of school.
That was thee best decision we ever made. I the past 2 years I have done more then I ever had at school. I now have real friends , haven’t had any panic attacks and my goal in life is to help kids that are in a similar situation to me get the help they need wether that be out of school or in school I believe no child should have to suffer because they want a good education.
School life was always difficult for my daughter, she struggled with separating from me from reception age but it was manageable and understood better in the earlier years.
As school years developed it became much harder, with staff not understanding the impact the anxiety was having on both my daughter and us as a family. By year 6 it became unmanageable.
My daughter’s teacher had no understanding of her anxiety, how it looked, the distress both she and i went through. One day he said ‘I’m sure she’s putting it on for you’.
I had a teaching assistant say to her ‘stop m being so selfish, mum has to go to work’ as she sat trembling in the car.
Eventually she moved to a part time timetable in the hope it would be more manageable which did have some benefits.
Unfortunately transitioning to secondary school was not at all successful. The support in place was not effective, the communication poor and the senco’s relationship with myself wasn’t positive. I felt there was again such poor understanding of SEMH and I could see things breaking down to the point I had to take 6 months off work, my daughter was an emotional wreck who couldn’t cope with leaving my side even at the weekend.
Our house was full of anger/frustration and we were broken as a family. I applied for an ehcp needs assessment that was refused and school said they couldn’t apply as there was insufficient evidence.
Since she stopped attending school (she is still on role) she has very slowly recovered to the point (after a year) she is able to attend Rama, she is horse riding and is able to be independent. She will stay home alone and go out with friends, all of which were unachievable whilst she was being forced into school to‘build her resilience’, a term I really dislike.
My daughter has built her own resilience in areas she finds manageable and this was impossible in the mainstream education system. Rama has shown that she is able to separate from me confidently, she can learn and she can progress. I just wish that this was understood and provided by our LA.
We spent all of infant school concerned as parents about his reading and writing and behaviour.
We were constantly told he was just a boy and would grow out of it and his reading and writing would catch up if he managed to pay attention. In junior school his teacher recognised his behaviour was an expression of lack of confidence.
We’re now unpicking confirmed dyslexia and suspected ADHD and autism.
The infant school teachers, that were confident he was fine and would grow out of it, don’t see the children that don’t grow out of it and the damage to confidence that occurs because it’s not their lack of effort or maturity.
