I have never shied away from difficult conversations with my children — but when a teenager says, “Humanity is vile. What’s the point when there’s no hope for this world?” I must admit, it took me a moment to figure out how to respond.

This wasn’t the mumblings of a depressed, angst-ridden teenager, but of an articulate young person who had just caught 20 minutes of the news on TV and was staggered by the level of aggression, harm, war, and negativity.

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I have not purposefully kept my children from the news or current affairs, but equally, I don’t invite it into “our space” (eg we don’t buy papers or watch the news). However, we do discuss things that are happening at times, but in a measured and age appropriate way – which has helped us as a family have a good level of wellbeing.

One of my older children decided a few years ago to remove the news app from their phone’s home screen, as it was just making them miserable. I was impressed by their self-awareness as I certainly wasn’t like that as a teen!

My decision has been reinforced when I speak to parents who get wound up or highly anxious about clickbait headlines and twisted stories. I cannot see that it does them any good (and it certainly doesn’t solve anything).

News stories are, after all, spun to have the biggest shock content, and you simply cannot trust mainstream media for a non-biased opinion. Of course, I keep an eye on current affairs, but always through the lens of: “This is an opinion piece, and money is exchanging hands at various points in the process.”

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So, back to the question — what do you say when your young child, tween, or teen says to you:

“Why is everyone fighting?”

“Is there going to be a war here?”

“Why do people kill each other?”

“Have we really destroyed the planet?”

Or even… “Humanity is vile. What’s the point when there is no hope for this world?”

Well, first off, you follow your gut and do what’s right for you and your family — but here are some tips:

Let them say what they want to say, without shutting them down.

• Validate their feelings.
  “I understand you feel that way / think that / worry about this.” “I hear what you are saying”
  
  Often this is all they need with problems (other than a hug!) – but on this topic I like to introduce something positive by…

• Offer an alternative perspective or help re-frame it. “Have you thought about it this way?” or “I think of it like this”.

• Focus on solutions and positive actions, rather than the ‘scary thing’. This could mean acknowledging the conflict between countries, but then talking about how neighbouring countries are helping out.

• It can also be about how they solve problems with their friends, the importance of communication, and understanding that everyone is different.

• Give them a hug.
  It’s not just about a warm, fuzzy feeling — it settles their nervous system, makes them feel safe, and helps them regulate their emotions, their brain, and everything really.
  
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  We are living through a very tricky time. While conflict and “scary things” have always existed, due to the internet, we are now bombarded with it, all at once. It is understandable that many of us are overwhelmed. This also means we talk about it a lot more — and often in front of our kids, without even realising it.
  
  Most of us (and many children) have phones, which can give them a daily dose of negative news.
  
  It can be hard not to ruminate on scary things and spread worry and anxiety in ourselves, our families, and our friends.
  
  However, we make choices every minute of every day and what we do, who we speak to and where we spend time all feeds into our thoughts and feelings.
  
  You can choose:
  
  – Not to watch or read lots of negative news.
  
  – To subscribe to one of the Good News or Positive News channels to get a weekly email of positivity.
  
  – Not to discuss scary news in front of children, or to be mindful of the language you use when sharing current affairs with them.
  
  – To limit your use of news apps on your phone, or remove the news feeds that often pop up on the home screen (and we can do this for our kids too).
  
  – To have some conversations about what’s happening in the world, but in a solution-based way, or with positives to add in  “Look how the community is coming together,” or “How amazing is it that this country has supported in this way.”
  
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  And remember — part of being a teenager is figuring out who you are, what you want to do and be in the world, and what being an adult is all about.
  
  This process cannot be rushed and is a healthy part of growing up.
  
  If your teen (or child of any age) is showing signs of depression or mental ill-health, or if you have any concerns, then absolutely — pay attention and take action. But a certain degree of exploring life, the universe, and everything is to be expected.
  
  The most important part is them knowing you are there for the journey with them — that they can talk to you without judgement, that you will listen, and that when they need it, you’re there with hugs, lying on the grass looking at clouds, going out for a walk and kicking leaves, or having a hot chocolate and watching a feel good movie.
  
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  I know the world can be a scary place, but I choose to believe that each one of us can make a difference — and that the world can be a better place because of it.
  
  Jenn Hodge
  Rama Life

This is a picture of me in a muddy puddle.

Me as an adult.
Me as a parent.
Me as a youth leader.
Me as the soon to be founder of Rama Life.

I didn’t “need” to climb on the slippery, muddy mound.
I certainly didn’t “need” to remain sat in it.

But aside from the uncontrollable laughter in the moment, I purposefully took a few moments to be. To literally “sit” in the moment.

The joy it brought was immeasurable (as was the hilarity in trying to get up!).

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As adults, especially if we are caring for someone, be it a friend, a partner, an ageing parent or simply by being a parent, the concept of play can become alien.

In fact, it is even the case that play is being removed from our children at an ever earlier age as we try and get them holding a pencil, learning their phonics and info smart school shoes (that are totally impractical for lots of game play!).

I have heard 8-year-olds told they are “too old for dolls” and that role play is “babyish”.

If our young children are being discouraged from playing, what hope is there for us adults?

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Play is crucial for health!

Play helps keep our brain “stretchy” – it keeps everything well-oiled and updated, creating new pathways and correcting damaged ones (old mindsets).

• Play can help us move in different ways and keep our flexibility (such as dance, sports etc).
  

• Play can make us feel “alive”, which when you are doing a lot of giving in your life, can be so essential.

• Play can help us learn so much – from new skills to resolving problems (movement and being outside especially helps with this).
  
  Children learn so well through play, far better than from excessive instruction.  Play leads to inventions and discoveries!

• Play helps us battle anxiety, stress and depression – something that is becoming all too common in our society of financial, work and home pressures.
  
  After all, it is hard for your brain to be scared if you are sitting in a puddle of mud laughing (flooding your brain with happy hormones.

• Play helps with connection – with our kids, with our family, with our friends. And if you don’t have any of these? Play is the best way to connect with others and build a “tribe”.

• Play brings us joy! It helps us “lighten up”, it helps us step away from day-to-day responsibilities, to help us smile, see the lighter side, and appreciate the good things.
  

• Play generates play… Show your kids, your family, your friends that play is okay – more than okay!
  
  The list goes on…
  
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  So what does play look like?
  
  Well, that depends entirely on you!
  
  Play for me is something enjoyable without a purpose other than “doing the thing”.
  
  It can look like…
  
  – Lego (sets for relaxing, free building for play)
  – Board games
  – Role play (playing Sylvanians with my daughter!)
  – Dancing (at home and in a class)
  – Having fun when walking (trying to jump over puddles!)
  – Just being silly with my family (I live with natural comedians!)
  – Muting TV adverts and providing a made up voice over (the kids love me doing this!)
  
  For you it could be a hockey club, something arty, paddleboarding, junk modelling on the kitchen table, archery, building sand-castles… and if you want, sitting in muddle puddles.
  
  But whatever it is, try and let it remain playful and not verge into “work”.
  
  I reflected on my last year of dance, performing in a show was so much fun! But competing (even though technically “for fun”), ended up feeling pretty intense in the moment.
  
  So I made the decision that even though I would continue to compete, I would change my attitude and bring the fun back (I did not enjoy feeling that nervous!!).
  
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  Whilst play can involve a screen, I feel (for me at least!) that I spend enough time in front of one. So, play for me is “off-screen” (unless it is doing Just Dance!) – it often involves other people, but sometimes it doesn’t.
  
  So, here is my challenge to you.
  
  Do something fun today.
  
  Something just for the joy of it.
  
  Buy yourself an ice-cream with sprinkles on top, wear a funky shirt that makes you smile, play charades with your kids after tea, read a book (with funny voices added), bundle round a mates house and have your own version of “Bake Off” or “Strictly”, or go and jump in some puddles.
  
  But be careful, it might just become a habit, and change your life for the better.
  
  ——————–
  
  Jenn Hodge
  Rama Life